PERFECTIONISM IS TRAUMA

When a child faces abandonment and rejection of their emotional needs, the internal mind copes by developing perfectionism. This creates a harsh internal dialogue that constantly strives for flawlessness.

The argument becomes one that, "if everything was perfect, I will not get blamed, shamed or in trouble and I will be appreciated and loved."

This internal logic convinces them that perfection is the key to love, appreciation and acceptance and it convinces being constantly perfect gives the sense of control in the unstable environment.

Bullying and/or constant parental pressure (violence or words) can also give rise to perfectionism.

Perfectionism becomes a survival mechanism.

Shame breeds fear and fear silences the voice in order to fit in.
This results in risk averse behavior and intense amount of overthinking and freezing at judgements.

Painful hindsight depression – If it doesn’t go to plan your internal dialogue will nag and cause depression and constant flashbacks, fortifying your risk averse behaviour.

Tantra for you

The chain reaction from perfectionism turns out like this,

When your fifth chakra (throat) is silenced and love and compassion isn’t received to you (fourth chakra), this trauma builds inside often manifesting as overthinking and illusion (sixth chakra) this in turn affects your willpower (third chakra) and before you know it you are isolating and/or running with addictions as a coping mechanism.

The Problems with constant Perfectionism

While perfectionism may provide temporary benefits, such as increased motivation and achievement, it can lead to significant problems.

Deep depression at a setback/ loss - The realization of life isn’t perfect and nothing in it is perfect is a concept that perfectionists cant seem to grasp due to their trauma, internal dialogue can hammer you with hindsight thus dragging you to depression

Anxiety and stress - The pressure to perform flawlessly can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. This in turn gives rise to other coping mechanisms e.g., addictions

Risk averse - waiting for the perfect time or the perfect result can stop from taking necessary risks, massively hindering your personal and professional growth.

Burnout - The relentless pursuit of perfection can result in physical and emotional exhaustion.

Low self-esteem - Tying your self-worth to achievements and constant striving for perfection, leads to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

Relationship difficulties - Perfectionism can strain relationships, as others may feel criticized or judged by impossible standards.

Managing perfectionism

Perfectionism is manageable and reversible. With the right strategies and support as below,

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) -seek professional help, identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviors, EMDR therapy.

Mindfulness and self-compassion - Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion to you as you would others.

Reframing failure - Learning to view failure as an opportunity for growth and learning, journal at a failure what you can learn form it. See the opportunities from it.

Soften internal critic - awareness and management of your internal critic with compassion is key, replace " I am a failure " with " this is painful and I am struggling right now, but i will get better".

THERE’S NO WIN WITHOUT A LOSS.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF, NO ONE IS PERFECT

YOU ARE SAFE NOW

-Tantraking original work

Further reading

1. Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (2002). Perfectionism and stress in college students. Journal of College Student Psychotherapy, 16(2), 3-20.

2. Burns, D. D. (1980). The perfectionist's script for self-defeat. Psychology Today, 13(6), 34-52.

3. Flett, G. L., Hewitt, P. L., & Martin, T. R. (1995). Dimensions of perfectionism and procrastination. (pp. 113-136).

4. Hill, A. P., & Curran, T. (2016). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 38(5), 565-576.

5. Dunkley, D. M., Zuroff, D. C., & Blankstein, K. R. (2003). Self-critical perfectionism and daily affect: Dispositional and situational influences on stress and coping. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(1), 234-252.

6. Sherry, S. B., & Hall, P. A. (2009). The perfectionism social disconnection model: An integrative theory of the development and maintenance of perfectionism. (pp. 85-110).

7. Blatt, S. J. (1995). The destructiveness of perfectionism: Implications for the treatment of depression. American Journal of Psychiatry, 152(11), 1503-1511.

8. Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(4), 295-319.